Chapter 5

Sidharth couldn’t handle the feeling of being a stranger in her eyes. He tried desperately to understand her emotions, but a loud clap of thunder shattered any hope of rekindling their old feelings. The rain poured down harder, making her eyes look blank again.

With those words, his hold on her loosened. Shehnaaz began to move away from him, slowly retreating, each step widening the gap between them. He watched her walk away, feeling his heart break with every step.

He was completely confused by her sudden change in behavior. The pain was clear in his eyes, but Shehnaaz’s eyes showed nothing. They were like a closed book that refused to share its secrets.

Shehnaaz bumped into Sameer as she walked back. The collision made her turn around.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t see you…” Shehnaaz said, her voice small.

Sameer gave a gentle smile. “It’s okay, Shehnaaz. You don’t have to apologize.”

Shehnaaz managed a weak smile.

Sameer then asked, “**Tum Sidharth ko janti ho?**”

Shehnaaz looked at him, unsure how to respond. “Yes… we’re old friends…”

Sameer looked surprised. “Ohh… okay.”

Shehnaaz wanted to end the conversation. “Excuse me…” she said and walked towards Hameer and Uttara.

Sidharth, still standing where she had left him, was stunned. “Just old friends?” He thought. Fifteen years of their lives together couldn’t be summed up like that.

He closed his eyes in frustration. His emotions were all over the place. Was he angry at Shehnaaz for her behavior? Angry at himself for not understanding? Or angry at Sameer for dancing with her?

He couldn’t take it anymore. He needed to talk to Shehnaaz—tonight. He started searching for her again. There she was, with Hameer and Uttara.

Sidharth walked up to them, determined. “Shehnaaz…”

When Shehnaaz saw him standing next to her, she greeted him with a faint smile. “Hi Sidharth…”

Sidharth was hurt. After two years, all she could say was “Hi”?

He could see the anger in his eyes. Her eyes, however, were still emotionless. He was about to speak when Sameer joined them.

“Hey guys, what’s happening?” Sameer asked cheerfully.

“Nothing important,” Shehnaaz said casually.

Sidharth shot Shehnaaz an angry look.

Sameer continued, “Ohhh… old friends meeting after a long time, huh?”

Hameer nodded. “Kind of…”

Sameer then said, “So tell me, tum logon mein aisi kaunsi specialty hai…”

Everyone looked puzzled.

Sameer explained, “Come on guys, Shehnaaz ke friends banana asaan nahi hai. Mujhe to Ms. Shehnaaz unke naam se bulane ki bhi permission nahi hai…”

Shehnaaz rolled her eyes, while Hameer and Uttara laughed. Sidharth found a small comfort in the fact that Shehnaaz had not allowed him to take her direct name.

“Actually, it’s been 16-17 years me and Shehnaaz have been together…” Sidharth said, a mix of pride and sadness in his voice.

Sameer was shocked. “Whatttttttttttttttt?”

Sameer felt a twinge of jealousy but shook it off. “Wow, that’s great, man. Lucky you.”

Shehnaaz didn’t seem interested in the conversation. “By the way, Mr. Sameer, wahi uncle New York se vapas kab aa rahe hain?”

Sidharth was confused. How did Shehnaaz know about Sameer’s father? What was happening?

Sameer replied, “Dad… he’ll be back by next week.”

“Ohh, alright…” Shehnaaz said, her tone indifferent.

Sidharth, getting more frustrated, said, “Shehnaaz, mujhe tumse kuch baat karni hai.”

Shehnaaz looked at him. “Ohh… bolo…”

Sidharth wanted privacy. “Shehnaaz, akele mein…”

He grabbed her wrist and started walking away, dragging her behind him. Hameer and Uttara exchanged looks, and Sameer watched in shock as Sidharth took Shehnaaz away.

When they were in a quiet, secluded spot, Sidharth let go of her wrist roughly. He was trying to control his anger, closing his eyes and taking deep breaths.

Shehnaaz rubbed her wrist, wincing. Sidharth looked at her angrily, his emotions raw. Her blank stare hurt him deeply.

“That was rude…” Shehnaaz said quietly.

“Chup… bilkul chup…” Sidharth snapped, unable to control his frustration.

Shehnaaz stayed silent, waiting patiently. Sidharth moved closer and cupped her face in his hands, a gesture he had done many times before.

Shehnaaz looked at him, her eyes uncertain.

Sidharth’s voice was filled with emotion. “Tujhe kya ho gaya hai…”

Shehnaaz struggled to hold back her tears. “Mujhe kya hoga, Sidharth?”

Sidharth’s heart ached. “Please, ise baat mat karna… meri Sana aise baat nahi karti…”

Shehnaaz, trying to stay calm, removed his hands from her face. Sidharth watched, hurt, as she pushed him away. His hands, once comforting, now felt rejected.

Shehnaaz closed her eyes, knowing she was hurting him. She wasn’t the open book he once knew.

“How are you?” she asked softly.

Sidharth tried to read her, but her face showed nothing. She had locked herself away. He wanted his Shehnaaz back.

He hugged her tightly. His presence, once comforting, now felt heavy. Shehnaaz shivered slightly but didn’t pull away. His hug was firm, not letting her move.

“Bilkul achha nahi hu… bura hu main… isiliye toh tu mujhse baat nahi kar rahi…” Sidharth’s voice was filled with pain.

Shehnaaz felt conflicted. She wanted to return his hug but feared it would make her vulnerable. Pushing him away seemed too harsh.

“Sidharth…” she said softly.

“Mat baat kar mujhse… kya zarurat hai mujhse baat karne ki… main to bura hu na… do saal me zarurat nahi samajhi mujhse baat karne ki… to ab kya zarurat hai…” Sidharth’s words were laced with hurt and confusion.

Shehnaaz was struggling with her own emotions. She didn’t want to be affected by him but couldn’t avoid it.

“Sidharth, relax…” Shehnaaz tried to ease his hug.

Sidharth held her tighter. “You’re telling me to relax? Tumhe kya ho gaya hai? Kahan thi tu? Kyu kiya tune aisa? Kyu nahi baat ki mujhse? Pagal ho gaya hu main tere bina…”

Shehnaaz wanted to escape his embrace, feeling overwhelmed. “Sidharth… it’s not like that… I was a little busy…”

Sidharth pulled back, anger and disappointment in his eyes. “Busy? Really? Tum itni busy thi ki tumhe mujhse baat karne ka waqt nahi mila?”

Shehnaaz looked away. “Relax, Sidharth… yes, I was busy.”

Sidharth’s grip on her shoulders tightened, almost painfully. “Tu kyu kar rahi hai aisa…? Aise ajeeb behave kyu kar rahi hai…?”

He was on the brink of tears. His heart couldn’t take it anymore. A tear slipped down his cheek, and Shehnaaz’s hand twitched, wanting to wipe it away. But she gripped her dress tightly, trying to control herself.

Sidharth looked at her with pained eyes. “Tune mujhse baat kyun nahi ki…”

Shehnaaz cleared her throat. “I said I was busy…”

Sidharth asked, “Okay, I understand. But tell me, what are you doing in Mumbai?”

Shehnaaz looked at him, puzzled. “What do you mean? I’m managing my father’s business.”

Sidharth was shocked. Business and Shehnaaz? “Business? And you? But why?”

Shehnaaz replied, “Why not? After my father’s death, it was up to me to handle it…”

Sidharth’s heart sank. Shehnaaz was no longer the innocent girl he once knew. She had changed, and he struggled to accept it. She was no longer the Shehnaaz who never admitted her parents had passed away.

He wanted his old Shehnaaz back.

Sidharth struggled to find words. “Tum toh badi ho gayi ho, Shehnaaz…”

Shehnaaz sighed. “Kabhi na kabhi to bada banna hi tha…”

Sidharth felt a deep sense of disappointment. He didn’t know what to ask her or how to approach her. Their relationship had changed, and he had to face it, even if he didn’t want to.

Sidharth’s voice trembled with hurt. “Tune mujhe jara bhi miss kiya…”

Shehnaaz turned her gaze away and said, “Nahi…”

Sidharth stared at her in shock.

Shehnaaz forced a smile and said, “Tumhe yaad karne ke liye, main tumhe kabhi bhooli hi nahi…”

His heart lifted with happiness at her words, but the feeling was brief.

Shehnaaz continued, “Tum, dadi, Hameer, Uttara—tum sab ke saath poori zindagi bitayi hai maine. Tum sabko kaise bhool sakti hoon main…”

Sidharth felt she was trying to hurt him. “Shehnaaz, please…”

Shehnaaz asked, “By the way, dadi kaisi hai?”

Sidharth sighed, “Dadi theek hai…”

Shehnaaz nodded, “Aur Simran?”

Sidharth knew she was trying to change the topic. “Wo bhi theek hai…”

Shehnaaz’s smile was wide but did not reach her eyes. It was a smile that felt more like a mask.

Sidharth sensed something was off. “Shehnaaz, baat kya hai?”

Shehnaaz looked puzzled. “Kis baare mein bol rahe ho?”

Frustrated, Sidharth shook her gently. “Shehnaaz, dekho… I am sorry. Mujhe pata hai, mujhe ladna nahi chahiye tha. Tumse bina mile chala gaya isliye tum itni gussa ho na?”

Shehnaaz looked at him in surprise. “Tumhe aisa kyun lag raha hai ke main tumse naraz hoon? Hum koi chhote bachche nahi hain ki ruthne-manane ke liye…”

Sidharth was hurt by her cold behavior. “Shehnaaz, please, yeh natak band karo. Tumhe kyun nahi samajh aata, ye sab ab mujhse aur bardasht nahi ho raha hai…”

Shehnaaz’s frustration grew. “Enough of this, Sidharth. I really don’t get what’s going on with you.”

Sidharth, feeling angry, asked, “You don’t understand?”

Shehnaaz firmly replied, “Can we just stop this now?”

Sidharth closed his eyes, trying not to upset her. “Theek hai, par mujhe meri Shehnaaz wapas chahiye…”

Shehnaaz pulled away from him. “Stop behaving like a kid, Sidharth.”

Sidharth frowned. “Maybe I am being childish, but I want my naazu back.”

Shehnaaz looked away, clearly affected by the name. “First of all, I am not that small, foolish Shehnaaz anymore…”

Sidharth’s anger flared. “Don’t call my naazu an idiot.”

Shehnaaz rolled her eyes, thinking he needed to grow up.

Shehnaaz checked her watch. “Sidharth, it’s late. I should go…”

Sidharth finally looked at her clothes. “Aur tumne yeh kya ajeeb se kapde pehne hain?”

Shehnaaz asked, “What do you mean?”

Sidharth rolled his eyes. “Maine tumhe kitni baar bola hai, ke tum western clothes nahi pehena. I don’t like it…”

Shehnaaz, now angry, shouted, “Sidharth, main tumhari khilona nahi hoon.”

Sidharth was deeply hurt by her words. His eyes filled with pain.

Shehnaaz, feeling guilty for being so harsh, closed her eyes.

Before she could say anything more, Sidharth raised his hand to stop her.

His eyes, full of pain, shook her deeply. “I don’t mean anything to you now…”

Saying this, he walked away, leaving Shehnaaz alone, feeling broken and deserted once again.

 #Flashbacks..

“I HATEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!”

Sidharth’s voice thundered through the house, filled with raw frustration and anger. His words echoed as he slammed the door shut, leaving Shehnaaz outside, her heart sinking.

Shehnaaz, her face flushed with emotion, rolled her eyes in exasperation and began to knock on the door with increasing urgency.

“Sidharth, please… darwaza kholo na… ab bahot ho gaya…”

From inside, Sidharth’s voice was cold and final. “Tu ja… mujhe tujse bilkul baat nahi karni… I hate you…”

Shehnaaz’s voice was softer now, tinged with desperation. “Please, Sidharth… kholo na darwaza… I love you na…”

Sidharth’s lips curled into a sneer. “And I hate you… tu bahot buri hai…”

Shehnaaz’s laughter was a bittersweet sound. “Main buri hoon…??”

Sidharth’s eyes, though they couldn’t be seen through the door, were likely rolling in irritation. “Haan…”

Shehnaaz shook her head in disbelief, her voice echoing the hurt she felt. “Main buri hoon…??”

Sidharth, after a moment’s contemplation, muttered, “Thodi si…”

Shehnaaz’s smirk was evident even through the door. “Main buri hoon…??”

Sidharth, irritated but not without a trace of affection, said, “Bahot thodi si… par haan hai…”

At that moment, Dadi maa arrived, her presence a stark contrast to the tension. She knocked on the door with a sense of authority.

“Sidharth, ye kya bachpana hai…”

Sidharth, his voice muffled by the door, responded, “Mujhe kisi se baat nahi karni… is bandariya ko lekar jayiye aap yahan se…”

Shehnaaz’s face fell, a mix of hurt and frustration. “Sidharth, please… darwaza kholo na…”

Sidharth, his voice dripping with bitterness, retorted, “Ab kyun mujhe mana rahi hai… main to koi nahi hun na…”

Dadi maa, seeing Shehnaaz’s tearful expression, looked at her with concern.

Sameera entered the scene, her anger palpable as she fixed a furious gaze on Shehnaaz. “It’s all because of you, Shehnaaz…”

Shehnaaz’s eyes were pleading as she spoke. “Di… main…”

Sameera cut her off, her voice sharp. “Shut up… just shut the crap… teri vajah se Sidharth naraz hai…”

Shehnaaz, her gaze lowered, murmured, “Sorry, Di…”

Sameera’s glare was unforgiving. “Don’t talk to me… bloody idiot…”

Before she could finish, Sidharth flung the door open with a sudden force.

Everyone’s eyes widened in shock as he stormed out, his expression a mix of fury and protectiveness.

He shot Sameera a deadly glare, his eyes blazing with an intensity that said it all. How dare she speak to Shehnaaz like that? No one, absolutely no one, had the right to scold her, not while Sidharth was around.

“Don’t you dare…” he warned, his voice cold and authoritative.

Sameera was taken aback, her protest dying on her lips. “Sidharth, me toh…”

Sidharth cut her off, his tone unyielding. “Don’t dare…”

With that, he yanked Shehnaaz inside, slamming the door shut behind them. Sameera stood there, stunned and speechless, while Dadi maa chuckled softly and walked away.

Inside, Sidharth sat on the bed, his face a mask of stubbornness. Shehnaaz, in contrast, took a deep breath and began tidying up the chaos that had ensued.

She replaced pillows and other items with practiced ease, her movements showing both determination and a touch of exasperation.

She picked up the landline phone and dialed downstairs.

“Two hot chocolates kamre me bhej do,” she instructed.

“Ji mam,” came the response.

As she hung up, Sidharth looked away, his voice stubborn. “Mujhe nahi pina…”

Shehnaaz’s smile was gentle, but her tone was teasing. “Maine kab kaha tujhe pine ke liye…”

Sidharth’s scowl was unmistakable.

Shehnaaz, undeterred, said, “Wo dono hot chocolates mere liye hain…”

Sidharth’s eyes rolled.

Shehnaaz’s voice was filled with playful defiance. “Jab teri nautanki khatam ho jayegi, tab main tere liye bhi mangwa dungi…”

Sidharth’s expression was one of disbelief. “Tu kitni buri hai…”

Shehnaaz grinned, a sparkle of mischief in her eyes. “Main buri hoon…??”

Sidharth’s face was a mirror of his irritation. “Thodi si…”

Shehnaaz’s laughter was light as she hugged him tightly, her small frame pressing against him. At nearly ten years old, she was still shorter than Sidharth, who was just starting to enter his twelfth year. She tried to enfold him in her arms, her effort endearing despite its lack of success.

Sidharth, though annoyed, allowed her to hug him. “I hate you…”

Shehnaaz’s voice was tender, “I love you…”

Sidharth, with a pout, asked, “Tune aisa kyun kiya…?”

Shehnaaz leaned in and planted a kiss on his cheek.

They sat on the bed, facing each other, their expressions a mix of playfulness and seriousness.

Shehnaaz began, her tone sincere, “Tu meri puri baat to sun pehle…”

Sidharth’s annoyance was palpable. “Kya hai…”

Shehnaaz’s voice was soft but resolute. “Maine abhi tak admission liya nahi hai… tujhe puchh ke hi lungi… agar tu nahi bolega to nahi lungi…”

Sidharth’s frustration flared. “Par tune sabse pehle Dadi maa ko bataya… mujhe nahi… I hate you…”

Shehnaaz rested her head on his shoulder, her voice filled with empathy. “Sidharth, Dadi maa badi hai na…”

Sidharth shook his head, clearly unconvinced.

Shehnaaz persisted, “Sidharthu pleasezz…”

Sidharth wrinkled his nose in distaste. “SidharthU… EWWWWWW…”

Shehnaaz’s laughter bubbled up as she jumped onto his lap.

Sidharth, trying to stay stern, said, “I am angry… and you’re supposed to listen to me…”

Shehnaaz gently pulled his cheek, her eyes admiring his cute anger. “My cutie is sooooooooo cuteeeeeeee…”

Sidharth rolled his eyes but couldn’t suppress a smile. “Don’t try it…”

Shehnaaz, continuing her playful persuasion, said, “Sidharth, please maan jao na… hua ye… ke kal main apne kamre me gana ga rahi thi… tabhi wahan Dadi maa aur chachi ji aaye… aur unhone mujhe gate huye suna… toh Dadi maa bahot khushi ho gayi… aur chachi ne bina mujhse puchhe mere singing classes shuru kar diye… jab mujhe pata chala to maine Dadi maa ko bataya aur tumne sun liya… abhi isme mera kya fault hai… bolo… tum hi batao…”

Sidharth listened intently, with Shehnaaz still sitting on his lap. He handed her a teddy bear, his gesture softening.

“Tune mujhe ye sab pehle kyun nahi bataya…” he asked, his tone less harsh now.

Shehnaaz looked at him with a mock pout. “Tu sunta kaha hai…”

Sidharth, trying to suppress a smile, replied, “Main nahi sunta…?”

Shehnaaz giggled, hugging him tighter.

Sidharth, still smiling, said, “Teri vajah se mujhe kitni bhook lagi hai…”

Shehnaaz rolled her eyes in mock annoyance.

At that moment, the door knocked.

Shehnaaz called out, “Lo, ho gaya intazam… tumhare is mote pet ka…”

Sidharth’s anger flared instantly. “Tune mere pet ko mota bola…”

Shehnaaz, with a mischievous grin, teased him as she ran to open the door.

She returned with two glasses of hot chocolate. Sidharth, with a dramatic gesture, raised his hands, and Shehnaaz handed him both glasses.

He gulped them down quickly, Shehnaaz’s eyes rolling in amusement.

Shehnaaz said, “Agar itni bhook lagi thi, toh itna nautanki kyun…”

Sidharth’s smile was sheepish. “Taki tu mujhe manaye…”

Shehnaaz chuckled at his response. “Aur agar kisi din tujhse manane nahi aayi toh…?”

Sidharth’s face fell at the thought. “Us din main samajh jaunga… that… I don’t mean anything to you…”

The thought of those words brought Shehnaaz back to reality. She was back in her home, walking through the living room, irritated at herself for letting her past creep into her present.

Shehnaaz closed her eyes tightly, overwhelmed with anger and frustration.

How could she let herself be dragged back into the past once more?

It felt like a cruel joke of fate. Why was he back in her life?

Wasn’t it enough what he had done to her before? Only she knew how she had painstakingly gathered the shattered pieces of her life. She never wanted him back. So why was he here now?

Why was he acting like the innocent one?

But Mr. Sidharth Shukla, this is not the same naïve Shehnaaz who once lived for you.

This is Shehnaaz Gill.

No one in the world has the power to bring tears to her eyes anymore.

Smirking to herself, Shehnaaz felt a surge of pride in her own strength. She opened the door to her bedroom, only to find Sidharth sleeping soundly on her bed.

She didn’t react immediately. Deep down, she knew him better than he knew himself. Even though he was angry with her, he still wanted her near him—to soothe him and admire his tantrums.

She moved inside and saw him lying there like a child. His legs were twisted, and his hands were buried near his neck. His face looked serene and innocent, as if he had finally found the rest he had longed for.

But even in sleep, he was restless, continuously rolling from one corner of the bed to another. She sighed, rolled her eyes, and sat beside him. As her fingers gently brushed through his hair, he instinctively moved and rested his head on her lap.

She didn’t move. She let him settle there, not because she couldn’t move him away, but because it wasn’t in her to do so. She continued to caress his hair, feeling a mix of tenderness and sorrow.

He adjusted himself more comfortably on her lap, his arms wrapping around her waist and his head nestled deeply against her tummy. A small, contented smile played on his lips even in his sleep.

She didn’t want to push him away because this was how he had always slept when he was with her, right up until he went to London.

LONDON…

The word brought a shadow to her eyes. She stared at him, observing how peacefully he slept, as if he had waited for this rest for so long.

Unbeknownst to her, her fingers continued to stroke his hair, massaging it gently until his sleep became even more peaceful. The familiarity of this moment, the same way she used to caress his hair and kiss him as he slept in her lap, was both comforting and painful.

He had never liked sleeping with his head on a pillow; it was always her lap. He never let her leave, even for a trip, fearing he would be unable to sleep without her.

No one had the courage to challenge little Sidharth Shukla.

Shehnaaz whispered to herself, her voice barely audible:

…kabhi kabhi, kismat kitne ajeeb mod leti hai humari zindagi… Sidharth, Shehnaaz ne kabhi socha bhi nahi hoga ki wo Sidharth ke bina apni zindagi ke 2 saal bita payegi. Bina usse dekhe, bina uski awaaz sune, bina usse mile… kya main sach mein itni badal gayi..?

Par main akeli nahi badli; sab kuch badal gaya hai Sidharth. Log, sapne, hakikat… aur tum.. Baatein sirf ye hain ki tumne abhi tak is baat ko accept nahi kiya. Tum chaho ya na chaho Sidharth, tumhe is sach ko manana hi hoga. Humara sath utna hi tha..

Jab Waheguru ji ne mujhse mere maa-papaji ko le liya, toh Dadi maa ne mujhe samjhaya tha ki kisi aur ko unki mujhse zyada zarurat thi. Agar usne humara sath utna hi likha tha toh tumhe ye baat manani hogi. Main tumse nafrat nahi karna chahti Sidharth, par main tumhe tumhari purani Shehnaaz vapas bhi nahi kar sakti.

Hum dono nadi ke do kinare hain, jinmein dooriyan zaroori hain. Unhe door hi rehna padta hai; wo kabhi ek nahi ho sakte. Hum dono apni apni zindagi mein aage badh chuke hain Sidharth.

Please chale jao, mere gusse ko meri nafrat mein badalne par majbur mat karo. Is nafrat ne pehle hi us Shehnaaz ko maar diya. Kahin ye nafrat mujhe mere sare rishte na chhin le. Chale jao Sidharth, main humare guzre lamhon ko nafrat ki is andhi mein kuchalana nahi chahti.

Shayad dooriyan hi humari kismat mein hain. Humne apne bachpan ko zindagi ke ek haseen mod par chhod diya hai. Unhe wahi rehne do. Unhe aaj mein khichon mat Sidharth, warna dhage toot jayenge.

Meri zindagi mein tumhare liye koi jagah nahi bachi hai. Chale jao Sidharth, please chale jao…

Just then, Sidharth whispered her name in his deep sleep, breaking the chain of Shehnaaz’s thoughts.

“Sana…”

Shehnaaz gently caressed his hair, whispering softly, “Shhh… I am here. Sleep now…”

He hugged her more tightly, nuzzling his face into her tummy, as if even in his deepest sleep, he could feel her presence. He didn’t want her to leave.

Shehnaaz closed her eyes, unknowingly resting her head on the railing behind her, and fell asleep.

___________________

Author’s Note

Hello, dear readers!

Also, stay tuned for Baarish, Bhula Dunga, Mora Piya, Beintehaa and Thodasa pyar which will be starting soon along with the rest of the stories. There’s so much more in store, and I can’t wait for you to dive into these new adventures.

Don’t forget to follow me on  Wattpad, Instagram and Youtube  for updates, behind-the-scenes content, and more. Your support on these platforms helps keep the creativity flowing.

With love and gratitude,

Shalaka