Chapter 7

Dannnnn…

Shehnaaz had tried a lot to be strong enough to handle this all, but once again, this stupid feeling took over her. She hadn’t cried for the past two years, but today, when Sidharth left her once again, she felt like crying.

All those walls she had created around herself, so that no emotions could touch her, seemed helpless in front of his last words. She knew she had hurt him today, and she wanted to cry. A choked breath made a whimper near her throat. She felt like she couldn’t breathe. She tried to swallow, but it didn’t help either.

That’s when she felt a painful tear running down her cheek, making its way down. She touched the tear and looked at it with unwanted emotions playing all around her. Everything and everyone laughed at her situation. The home felt haunted, like her beautiful past was teasing her. Those smiles, those laughter, those fights, those moments of understanding, those songs, and that last moment which destroyed their relationship… their beautiful relationship.

Her mind took her to the moment when this all started…

#FLASHBACKS

Two years ago…

Rain had just started as it was the end of June. Shehnaaz was a die-hard monsoon lover. Sidharth, Shehnaaz, Uttara, Hameer, Sameera, and a few close friends planned a small picnic to the Old Qilla of Delhi.

It was a way too silent place… but peaceful. The greenery around just started due to the rain made it look even lovelier. Everything seemed so beautiful, so pure… just like a dream.

Sidharth was continuously doing something on his mobile. Hameer and Uttara were busy flirting with each other while Sameera was going on and on about her self-talk to Shehnaaz. Shehnaaz noticed Sidharth and got irritated. She straight away snatched his mobile, annoying Sidharth.

Sidharth looked at her puzzled, “Shehnaaz, kya kar rahi hai… it’s important… phone de mera.”

Shehnaaz kept the phone to herself. Sidharth made an angry face at her.

Shehnaaz made a baby face, “Sidharth, hum picnic ke liye aaye hain na… this is not done.”

Sidharth sighed, knowing he couldn’t get angry at her no matter how much he tried. Shehnaaz made a cute face and sat on his lap. Sidharth gave her a teddy bear hug and kissed her cheek. Shehnaaz still made a baby angry face.

Sidharth sighed, “Achha baba… thik hai… ab ye tedhi medhi shakal mat bana.”

Shehnaaz smiled cutely at him. Sameera, feeling bored, suggested, “We should play truth or dare.”

Uttara excitedly commented, “That will be fun!”

Shehnaaz liked the idea, and so did Sidharth. Sameera took an empty bottle and started spinning it in the middle with everyone around it. As she spun the bottle, it stopped in front of Hameer after a few rounds.

Hameer closed his eyes, “Ohh no… me first…”

Uttara mocked, “Ab tera kya hoga kaliya…”

Hameer gaped at her, “Shut up… me kaliya lagta hun “

Sameera rolled her eyes, “Can we play now?”

Shehnaaz grinned like a fresh flower, “Ok Hameer, truth or dare?”

Hameer proudly answered, “Dare.”

Sidharth smirked, “He is so gone…”

Everybody started thinking about what dare to give.

Sidharth, “Ok, get ready.”

Hameer got a little scared, “You are giving the dare?”

Sidharth mocked, “Why… are you scared already?”

Uttara’s ego was bruised, “No no… he will do it na.”

Hameer nodded, making a baby face.

Sidharth smirked, “Ok… can you see that plane coming to this side before going in the air?”

Hameer looked there, “Yes…”

Sidharth smirked, “You have to run right in front of it till it flies… (like the scene from Rang De Basanti).”

Hameer was shocked, “Whattttttt?”

Rather, everyone was shocked, “Whattttttttttt.”

Sidharth, “Yes, and you can’t stop in between even if the plane comes closer.”

Hameer laughed like an idiot, “You got to be kidding…”

Sameera chuckled, “Then get ready for the punishment…”

Hameer, “And what is the punishment?”

Shehnaaz answered cutely, “You have to stand near that edge and scream on top of your voice that you are a LOSER.”

Sidharth smirked while Hameer fumed in anger. “No way…”

Hameer, “The dare will be much better.”

Saying so, he went down and as the plane started to run towards him, he started running towards it. Everyone was watching the dare with their breath held in their throats.

Uttara prayed dramatically, “Heyy bhagwan… ise bacha lena… abhi tak to meri sagayi bhi nahi huyi hai.”

Sidharth rolled his eyes, “Nautanki…”

Shehnaaz made face at sidharth, “Sidharth..”

Sidharth rolled his eyes again, “Concentrate on Hameer.”

Hameer was running like a rabbit towards the plane, while the plane was moving like a hungry lion towards him. He knew he was dead today, but he couldn’t call himself a loser… ohh, his ego…

As he was about to reach the plane, the plane took its speed and went in the air. Hameer’s colorless face curved into a smile, and he sighed in relief. Everyone clapped for him while he bowed with his one hand behind his back and the other raised in front.

The bottle started spinning again and just stopped in front of Sidharth. Shehnaaz got very excited and smirked at Sidharth while Sidharth smiled at her cute smile.

Hameer, to take revenge, “Truth or dare?”

Sidharth proudly replied, “Dare.”

Shehnaaz got excited, “Me dare dungi.”

Sidharth smiled at her, pulling her cheek. Hameer rolled his eyes, “No way… the last thing you can think of is Sidharth stand there and give a speech on how cute I am,” he mocked at Shehnaaz.

Shehnaaz made a baby face at Sidharth. Sidharth gave her a teddy bear hug and looked angrily at Hameer as though telling him not to irritate her. Hameer looked at his angry eyes and paled, “Fine… now listen to your dare…”

Sidharth, “I am.”

Hameer, “Can you see that edge…” (he pointed his finger at the last dangerous edge of the place), “you have to walk to that end with your eyes closed, counting to 25. The moment you reach 25, you will stop, but you can’t stop before 25 anyhow.”

Shehnaaz was already worried, “Sidharth, tu nahi karega.”

Sidharth consoled her, “Relax Sana… you trust me, right?”

Shehnaaz made a face, “Sidharth…”

He kissed her forehead out of habit, “I will be fine.”

Saying so, he hugged her again, watching her sad face. Hameer blinded Sidharth’s eyes with a hanky and Sidharth started to walk while Hameer counted.

“One…” Sidharth took the first step.

“Two…” the second step.

Counts started decreasing, and so did the distance between Sidharth and the edge. Shehnaaz stared at the dangerous edge and then at Sidharth. She didn’t like it at all.

Shehnaaz’s heart started to increase with fear… an unknown fear… she never knew existed. A sudden pain ran through her body, ripping her heart apart, like she felt she was losing something. Something was going away from her… but what?

She looked at Sidharth who was walking away from her towards that dangerous edge. But why was she feeling such a thing about Sidharth? She had never felt something like this before for Sidharth. What was it today that made her feel like her life was dependent on each step he took?

She just wanted to run to him and pull him to herself, not letting him go to danger. That’s when her eyes fell on Sidharth’s feet, which took the 24th step and stood right on the edge. Everyone’s breaths got trapped in their throats while Sidharth waited for Hameer to count the last number, oblivious to the fact that he was standing right on the edge. One more step and he would fall straight down.

Shehnaaz’s heart stopped beating. She just couldn’t think. Hameer too lost the voice to count the last number. Sidharth shouted, “Why is it taking you so long to count the last number… make it fast.”

Shehnaaz looked at Sidharth, horrified. And then… she ran. She ran for her dear life. She just ran and ran until she reached Sidharth and pulled him towards herself with all the strength possible as Hameer was about to count the next number, knowing Sidharth didn’t like ending the game in the middle.

The sudden pull made Sidharth stumble back and he fell on something soft. He took out his blindfold only to find Shehnaaz right below him with her eyes tightly closed in fear. He caressed her cheek, making her body relax.

Shehnaaz slowly opened her teary eyes.

Sidharth, “Kya hua tujhe?”

Shehnaaz started crying hard, hugging Sidharth.

Sidharth hugged her back and made her sit beside him. He noticed where they were sitting and understood the reason for her tears. He hugged her tightly, comforting her.

Sidharth, “Main theek hoon baba… rona band kar.”

Shehnaaz cried more, hugging him tightly, “Stupid, idiot, duffer! Main keh rahi thi na.. mat kar.. tum meri koi baat nahi maante.”

Sidharth pulled away and looked at her in disbelief, “Jhooti.”

Shehnaaz, “Jhooti? Maine kya kiya?”

Sidharth tried to distract her mood, “Tumne kaha ki main tumhari koi baat nahi manta.”

Shehnaaz looked away, “Haan, to sahi kaha maine.”

Sidharth, “Shehnaaz, hamesha tumhari hi marzi chalti hai. Aur fir bhi tum…”

Shehnaaz looked at him accused, “To abhi kyun nahi maani meri baat? Agar kuch ho jata to… main…”

Shehnaaz stopped, unable to find words. She was confused, her heart racing. The pain had made her realize what Sidharth truly meant to her. She couldn’t afford to lose him. No way. She couldn’t afford it. Simply no. But why? She wondered. It wasn’t that Sidharth was going to be with her forever. He had his own life, and she had hers. They were just pure best friends. But why did she feel so strongly now?

Just then, Sidharth’s words made her heart skip a beat.

Sidharth cupped her face out of habi, “Itna maayne rakhta hoon main tere liye?”

How could she answer him? What had just gone through her mind? She felt like someone was snatching her whole life from her. She was in pain.

Shehnaaz mumbled more to herself, “Agar tujhe kuch ho jata to…?” Sidharth pulled her cheeks, which were red due to crying, “Tu hai na… mujhe protect karne ke liye.”

Shehnaaz liked that. He always pampered her, but today his words had some magic. She felt so. She decided to ignore her stupid thoughts and looked angrily at Hameer, who immediately hid himself behind Uttara. Uttara rolled her eyes.

Shehnaaz went to him and whacked his arm hard. Hameer winced, “Ouchh…”

Sidharth held her hands from behind before she could whack Hameer again. Shehnaaz wiggled to free her hands while Hameer held his ears.

Just then, Shehnaaz felt Sidharth’s touch on her hands, holding her so tight, almost hugging her from behind. An unfamiliar smile curved on her lips.

Sidharth was still holding her tight in his arms.

Sidharth teasingly spoke, “Hameer, aaj teri khair nahi…”

Uttara made a sorry face, “Shehnaaz, relax… that was unintentional.”

Shehnaaz couldn’t answer that she was already relaxed, but Sidharth was doing something to her… like magic or something. She just nodded, and Sidharth left her.

As they sat for the game again, the bottle started spinning once more and stopped in front of Shehnaaz. Sidharth smirked while Shehnaaz blushed a bit, unknown to herself. She just did that.

Sameera, “Truth or dare?”

Shehnaaz thought to herself. She couldn’t dare to take truth. What if Sidharth would ask her the truth? Truth… what truth? What truth am I talking about? Have I ever hidden anything from him ever? Silly, no. Then why am I feeling like there’s something about Sidharth I can’t tell him?

There is something I felt today. I can’t tell him. Shehnaaz, what are you talking about? Have you gone insane? It’s just fear that took over you… nothing else. You are overreacting.

Sidharth’s words brought her back to her senses.

Sidharth, “Shehnaaz will sing a song.”

Uttara, “Par usne abhi tak ye kaha bataya ke truth ya dare?”

Sidharth, “So what? I decided she will sing a song, and that’s it.” Said Sidharth stubbornly. No one countered him knowing his stand when it comes to shehnaaz.

Shehnaaz smiled to herself and shook her head. a soft blush appeared on her cheeks, surprising her..

The next moment…

All they heard was the melodious voice of their beautiful Shehnaaz. Soft music started.

Winds started flowing more cheerfully with the serene music…

Shehnaaz stood up and went to stand by the edge, looking at the beautiful area… all greenery… no sun rays… cold winds… everything seemed to look more beautiful and alive.

Pyar huva… chhupake se..

She extended her hands, completing in the air, loving those close winds which were teasing her skin. She sang those beautiful changes she felt in that certain moment, how everything seemed so different in a matter of seconds. That melodious tune in her voice made everyone get lost in her dream world.

Everyone allowed themselves to feel the moment, loving her voice and the atmosphere.

She looked at them and sang again, with the same melody, same spirit, same feeling, but now she was looking at Sidharth. She somewhere meant those words.

Sidharth smiled at her. He always loved her voice.

Shehnaaz went to Uttara’s ear and sang softly, like telling a story of Kali and Bhaveara… how they fell in love. Everyone almost giggled lovingly at the way she told the story.

Sidharth put his arms on her shoulder, bringing her in his bear hug, while Shehnaaz smiled, more of blushed. Everything was becoming so different. She failed to realize she was changing.

She sang in his arms, expressing herself somewhere in those words, which everyone failed to understand. She told how Kali fell in love, unknown to herself, how things change when someone becomes special to us. She smiled as she expressed it.

Sidharth smiled, almost giggled, kissing her cheek. Uttara and Sameera pounced on her, taking her in a cute teddy bear hug. Shehnaaz giggled. Life seemed a dream. So much could only be possible in a dream. Is she that lucky to have so much love in her life?

Suddenly, it started raining. Not heavily, but with light drops making you aware of their beauty. A beautiful rain, which took everyone by surprise. They looked at each other, thinking what to do. They didn’t have anything to shade themselves.

Giving up, everyone got lost in the beauty of the rain, loving and enjoying the raindrops falling on them.

Sidharth picked Shehnaaz up by the waist, raising her high. Shehnaaz giggled.

Sidharth made circles, knowing she loved the rain. They had been so close since childhood that these little things came out of habit naturally. Laughing, giggling, enjoying the rain to the core…

Slowly, Sidharth put her down.

Shehnaaz looked up high and closed her eyes in submission as the raindrops fell on every inch of her skin. She sang those words she dearly wanted to ask… and started dancing in the rain like a beautiful doll. Others did too. Sidharth watched his “idiot doll,” enjoying the moment so much. All he wanted was her happiness. Her smile gave him life. That’s all he knew.

The rain started pouring while everyone saw the beautiful sight in front of them. The beautiful climate, the beautiful earth… like it was getting ready for her dearies.

Shehnaaz danced with her words, making everyone smile. She made a soft movement with her fingers, showing magic as her eyes twinkled with happiness and excitement.

Her expression changed from excitement to softness, and so did her melodious voice. She looked at the sky, which just started to darken, and asked if it could feel what she was feeling right at this moment, or if it was only she who could feel it.

Uttara and Shehnaaz jumped into small ponds in the lower areas, playing like kids. Finally, Sidharth and Hameer had to pick up their girls to stop them from being so childish. Sameera rolled her eyes and shook her head, smiling, because it was way too common for them all.

As the music faded, they left for their respective places, still running by each other, teasing each other, making funny faces, fighting, laughing, giggling, and rolling their eyes… and they left…!!!

_______________

#Back to Reality

In this moment of raw, unfiltered emotion, Shehnaaz’s world shattered into a thousand pieces. Her once controlled façade crumbled as she confronted the overwhelming pain she had been suppressing for years. The floodgates of her heart opened, releasing the anguish she had been hiding under layers of pretense.

Falling to her knees, Shehnaaz’s blank eyes betrayed the depth of her suffering. The tears flowed freely, mingling with her cries of despair. She wailed, her voice breaking with every utterance of the torment she felt. The pain was almost tangible, a suffocating weight she couldn’t escape.

Shehnaaz screamed, her words punctuated by choked sobs and desperate attempts to claw away the agony. “Me tumse nafrat nahi karti… Kaise karu tumse nafrat? Bahut koshish ki khudko tumse door rakhne ki… Bahut… Kyu aaye tum vapas…? Kyu…?” Her anguish was palpable, a raw display of her heart’s betrayal. She desperately tried to convince herself and the universe that she didn’t hate him—couldn’t hate him. The façade of hatred had been a lie, a desperate measure to protect her fragile heart from the truth she had been avoiding.

“I was learning to live without you,” she screamed, her voice breaking into fragments of agony. “Toh fir kyu… Haaan, nahi karti main tumse nafrat… Pyar karti hoon tumse… Suna tumne, pyar karti hoon main…” Her cries were a painful admission of the love she had been trying to deny, a love that had been the center of her existence.

Shehnaaz’s desperation grew as she grappled with the truth of her emotions. “Kyu Sidharth kyu…? Kyu tumne mujhe chhod diya…? Dobara kyu chale gaye mujhe chhod ke…? Kyuuuuu…?” Her questions were rhetorical, a stream of consciousness revealing her inner turmoil.

Her voice wavered with the intensity of her sorrow as she confessed to herself and to the silent witness of her suffering. “Pichhle 2 saalon se natak kar rahi hoon… Jhoot bol rahi hoon khudse… Ke tum meri zindagi mein koi maayne nahi rakhte… Jhoot bola maine khudse… Natak kiya khud ke dil ke sath…”

Shehnaaz felt trapped by her own deception, the pretense of hatred she had maintained as a shield against the pain of her unfulfilled love. “Tumhare bagair jeena nahi aata mujhe… Agar natak nahi karti tumse nafrat karne ka, to kaise jeeti… Apne pyar ka dard chhupane ke liye nafrat ka natak karna zaruri tha Sidharth… Aur natak bhi kisse… Khud ke hi dil se…”

Her words were a desperate plea for understanding, an admission of her struggle to reconcile her feelings with her actions. “Is dil ko dhoka diya maine… Samjhaya ke tumse pyar nahi karti… Agar khud ko nahi samjha pati, to kaise jeeti tumhare bagair… Tum toh samjho mujhe…” The cry for understanding was heart-wrenching, a desperate plea for someone to grasp the depth of her emotions.

In a final, anguished outburst, she questioned the very essence of her existence. “Kyu mene tumse pyar kiya…? Kyu mene khud ko dhoka diya…? Kyu mene tumhara dil dukhaya…? Kyu tum gaye Sidharth…? Kyu…?”

The world around her seemed indifferent to her pain, amplifying her sense of isolation. “Kab tak jhoot bolu khud se…? Kab tak dhoka du khud ko main…? Kab tak is dil ko samjhati rahu ke ye tumse pyar na kare…? Koi nahi sunne ko…? Tum bhi nahi… Kab tak chillau… Kitna chillau… Kisse dard baatun… Koi nahi hai sunne ke liye…”

Her cries reached a level of frustration and hopelessness. “Sab ne mujhse sab kuchh chhin liya… Sab ne… Mumma, papaji, chacha, chachi aur tum… Tumne bhi chhina mujhse mujhko… Kyu tumne mera din chura liya…? Aur fir uske tukde kar diye… Kyu Sidharth…? Kyu sab ne mujhe ek kagaz ke tukde ki tarah use kiya kyuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…? Kya karu main…? Kya karu main…? Agar tumse nafrat ka natak nahi karungi to jeeungi kaise… Agar jeeungi nahi to apna kaam kaise poora karungi… Kya karu main… Kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…????”

Hameer, who had been standing with Uttara, spoke up, his voice a calm contrast to Shehnaaz’s hysteria. “Usse sach bata de Sana,” he said gently, a plea for honesty and openness, urging Shehnaaz to confront the truth of her feelings rather than drown in her anguish.

Author’s Note

Dear Readers,

Thank you for joining Shehnaaz and Sidharth on this emotional journey. This chapter is particularly close to my heart as it delves into the depths of Shehnaaz’s pain and vulnerability. Writing these scenes was an intense experience, and I hope it resonates with you as much as it did with me.

Shehnaaz’s emotions represents a raw and honest exploration of love and loss. Her struggle to reconcile her feelings and the pain of confronting her true emotions are reflections of real, human experiences that many of us face. Through her cries and confessions, I aimed to capture the complexity of her internal battle and the power of unresolved emotions.

I am grateful for your continued support and feedback. Your thoughts and responses mean the world to me, and they inspire me to keep writing. Please feel free to share your comments and don’t forget to vote.

Also, stay tuned for Baarish, Bhula Dunga, Mora Piya, Beintehaa and Thodasa pyar which will be starting soon along with the rest of the stories. There’s so much more in store, and I can’t wait for you to dive into these new adventures.

Don’t forget to follow me on  Wattpad, Instagram and Youtube  for updates, behind-the-scenes content, and more. Your support on these platforms helps keep the creativity flowing.

With love and gratitude,

Shalaka

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Emotional journey, love and loss, raw emotions, heartfelt writing, romantic drama, personal struggle, inner conflict, vulnerability, Shehnaaz and Sidharth, intense emotions, character development, storytelling, relationship dynamics, romantic tension, emotional outburst, narrative depth, self-discovery, pain and healing, writing community, reader engagement.