Chapter 19

Sidharth’s entire world shattered around him as the weight of the truth finally sank in. He felt his chest tighten, a suffocating ache spreading through him as the reality of what he had done hit him like a tidal wave. He covered his mouth, trying to stifle the sob that threatened to escape, but it was no use. The harsh, unforgivable words he had thrown at Shehnaaz echoed in his mind, each one cutting deeper than the last. “Tum jhuthi ho… makkar ho…” How could he have said that to her? The love of his life, his Shehnaaz—how could he have been so cruel, so blind?

“Paise chahiye toh mujhse maang leti… bheekh samajh kar dedeta…” He groaned in agony, the words replaying over and over in his head like a cruel reminder of his betrayal. She didn’t deserve that. She didn’t deserve any of it. Everything he had, everything he was, belonged to her, and yet, in his blind rage, he had accused her of the unthinkable. “Nafrat karta hu main tumse…” The words made him want to scream, want to tear at his own heart. How could he have said that to her? How could he have failed to see the truth?

Now that he knew everything, now that the truth was laid bare before him, Sidharth felt completely and utterly broken. Shehnaaz had done nothing wrong, nothing to deserve the venom he had spewed at her. She had been nothing but pure, innocent, and yet, he had failed to trust her. He had doubted her love, her sincerity, and now… now he was terrified. Terrified that he had lost her forever.

His heart cried out in pain, “Oh God… what have I done?” She was his baby, his love, his happiness, and he had driven her away. She brought light into his life, filled it with love and laughter, and in return, he had filled hers with darkness and despair. “I’m sorry, baby… I’m so, so sorry…” Tears welled up in his eyes as he whispered those words, knowing they might never be enough. He wanted to see her, to hold her, to tell her how deeply sorry he was for not trusting her, for not believing in her. How could he have been so foolish, so blind?

He wanted to make things right, to take away her pain, to show her that he would never doubt her again. But the fear… the fear that she might never forgive him, that she might never take him back, gripped him like a vice. What if she didn’t forgive him? What if she chose to walk away, leaving him to drown in his guilt and sorrow? The thought was unbearable, like a blade twisting in his heart. He couldn’t live without her; she was everything to him, and the idea of losing her was more than he could bear.

But why had she left that morning without a word? Why hadn’t she given him a chance to make things right? The questions tormented him, gnawing at his soul. He was restless, desperate, unable to stand the thought of her being out there somewhere, hurting because of him. He needed to see her, to apologize, to beg for her forgiveness. He needed her to know that he loved her, that he would do anything to make it up to her.

Overcome with guilt and fear, Sidharth found himself seeking out his mother, the only person who might be able to help him. His heart was heavy as he approached her, his voice trembling with desperation and pain. “Maa… I hurt her, Maa… I hurt her so badly… ab me kya karu… main nahi reh sakta uske bina… use le aaona maa please… please… please le aao na…”

His voice broke, tears spilling down his cheeks as he pleaded with his mother. He was a broken man, consumed by the fear of losing the woman he loved more than anything in the world. He had let his insecurities, his doubts, get the better of him, and now he was paying the price. All he could do was hope, pray that his mother could somehow bring Shehnaaz back to him. He needed her, more than he had ever needed anything in his life. Without her, he was nothing.

Rita ji gently cupped Sidharth’s face, her hands trembling as she wiped away his tears. Her own eyes filled with sorrow, unable to bear seeing her son in such a state. “Hum aapse kehte rahe… apne past ko piche chodh dijiye… par nahi suna aap ne… Simran ki galtiyon ki saza aapne Sana ko di…” Her voice cracked with emotion, each word a painful reminder of how the shadows of his past had clouded his judgment.

Sidharth could no longer hold back. He hid his face in his palms as his composure shattered completely, his heart breaking under the weight of his guilt and regret. “Use le aao maa… please use le aao…” His voice was a desperate plea, raw and filled with anguish, as if by bringing Shehnaaz back, he could somehow mend the pieces of his shattered world.

Anu stood nearby, her heart aching as she watched her brother break down. It was a sight that tore at her, but she knew he needed to face the truth. He had to understand the consequences of his actions. She took a deep breath, steeling herself before she stepped forward and turned him to face her. “Kisi ne aapse kuch bhi keh diya… aur aapne maan liya… ek baar usse baat nahi kar sakte the… ek baar toh pucha hota Bhai… Shehnaz hamesha kehti thi… rishte mein pyaar ke saath saath bharosa bhi rakhna padhta hai… tab jaake vo mazboot hota hai…” Her words were firm, but the underlying pain was clear.

Sidharth’s mind flashed back to the previous night, to Shehnaaz’s soft words, her eyes full of love and trust as she gave herself to him. She had walked away because of his lack of faith in her. He had failed her, failed the woman who had trusted him more than she trusted herself. The realization was crushing. How could he have been so blind, so foolish?

Anu’s voice continued, piercing through his thoughts. “Sana ne mujhe nahi… main Sana ko pehli baar dekha tha… woh toh mujhe jaanti bhi nahi thi… maine uske papaji ko manaya tab vo maane Sana ko Mumbai bhejne ke liye… aapko job mein favoritism pasand nahi hai isliye maine use force kiya sacchhai chupane ke liye… usko yaha na rakhkar Zoya ke ghar par rakha taki aapko na lage main use favor kar rahi hu… iss sab mein uski kya galti hai… vo toh bas kaam karke apne papaji ki madad karna chahti thi kyunki uske mamaji ne uski property hadap li…”

Each word felt like a knife twisting deeper into Sidharth’s soul. He couldn’t listen anymore; it was too much, too unbearable. The truth was more than he could handle, making him despise himself with every passing second. His hands shook as he fumbled for his phone, his desperation mounting as he tried to call Shehnaaz. He had to reach her, had to hear her voice, had to tell her how sorry he was, how much he loved her.

But before he could even dial, Anu’s voice, calm but devastating, cut through the chaos of his thoughts. “Ja chuki hai vo Bhai… aapki zindagi se…”

Sidharth froze, his body going cold as he turned to look at Anu in horror. Her words echoed in his mind, chilling him to the bone.

Rita ji looked at Anu, her eyes wide with shock, as the reality of Anu’s words sank in. Sidharth, on the other hand, felt as if his heart had stopped beating altogether. The words echoed in his mind, “Ja… chuki… mat… Matlab…?”

Anu wiped her tears, turning her face away, unable to meet her brother’s desperate gaze. The weight of the situation hung heavily in the air, suffocating and unbearable. Sidharth, overwhelmed with frustration and fear, marched toward Anu, grabbing her by the shoulders and forcing her to face him. “Damn it, Anu! Tell me where is my Sana…?” His voice cracked with desperation, every word laced with the terror of losing the one person who meant everything to him.

Anu’s expression hardened as she tried to maintain her composure. She knew her words would hurt, but Sidharth had to face the truth. “You lost her the moment you doubted her love Bhai… uske papa ne is sheher ka ghinona rup dekha hai.. woh sana ko apne sath le gaye.. humesha ke liye..” Her voice was steady, but the pain was evident in her eyes.

Rita ji, sensing the gravity of the situation, sank heavily into the sofa, her heart aching for her son. She knew what this meant, what path this would lead Sidharth down. The despair in his eyes was something she had feared, and now it was all too real.

Sidharth let go of Anu, his mind reeling from her words. The realization that his actions had driven Shehnaaz away began to crush him. His legs felt like they were giving way beneath him as he staggered backward, his eyes wide with disbelief and horror. His wife’s scared, hurt eyes flashed in his mind, those same eyes that had once looked at him with so much love and trust. Now, they were full of pain, and it was all because of him.

As he took a few steps back, lost in the storm of his emotions, Sidharth stumbled against the side table. He barely managed to catch himself from falling, his hands gripping the edge of the table as if it were the only thing holding him up. 

Anu’s heart pounded with fear as she saw Sidharth stumbling, overwhelmed by his emotions. She rushed towards him in a panic, her instinct to comfort him driving her forward, but he lifted his hand, signaling her to stop. The look in his eyes was one of deep anguish, and she knew he needed to be alone. He didn’t need anyone right now—not even his sister.

Without another word, Sidharth turned away, his steps heavy with despair as he walked upstairs, each step feeling like a journey through his worst nightmares. Anu stood frozen, tears streaming down her face as she watched her brother retreat into his pain. She felt helpless, the weight of the situation crushing her, but she knew there was nothing she could do to reach him in that moment.

Anu’s legs gave way, and she sank to the floor, tears blurring her vision as she turned towards her mother. Rita ji, too, was breaking down, her heart shattered at seeing her son in such torment. They clung to each other, both crying uncontrollably, their sobs filling the silent, grief-stricken house. Aryan, who had been silently witnessing the entire scene, approached them, his heart aching for the family he loved. He tried to console them, but even his words felt empty in the face of such profound sorrow.

Upstairs, Sidharth entered his room, closing the door behind him as if trying to shut out the world. His movements were mechanical, driven by sheer instinct rather than thought. The moment the door clicked shut, he felt his strength leave him, and he slid down, leaning against the door as he sank to the floor. His eyes closed, and a deep sense of defeat washed over him, drowning him in guilt and regret.

“Mujhe saza dena… daat lena… par mujhse kabhi durr na jana… yahi kaha tha na tumne Shehnaz…” Sidharth whispered, his voice breaking. The memory of Shehnaaz’s words echoed in his mind, each one a dagger to his heart. She had pleaded with him to never leave her, to always stay by her side, no matter what. But he had failed her. “Mujhse bhi galati ho gayi baby… chahe jo saza dedo… par mujhse durr na jao… tumhara Sidharth jee nahi payega…”

Tears streamed down his face as he recalled her playful accusations, “Aap sadu ho… khadus ho…” She always teased him, but there was love in every word. “Jaisa bhi hu par tumhara hu na…” Sidharth whispered, his voice trembling with emotion.

His thoughts drifted to the night before, the memory of her warmth, her love, filling his mind. The way she had looked at him, the way she had trusted him despite everything—it all came rushing back, making his heart ache even more. He craved to hold her again, to wrap her in his arms and never let go, to keep her close to him where she belonged, where she had always belonged.

But now, she was gone, and Sidharth was left with nothing but the crushing weight of his mistakes and the fear that he might never get her back. The realization was unbearable, and he could feel himself breaking apart, piece by piece, as the gravity of his loss settled in.

He had lost her, and with her, he had lost the very reason for his existence.

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Shehnaaz sat in the train, her head resting heavily against the window as the landscape outside blurred by. The rhythmic clatter of the wheels on the tracks was a monotonous backdrop to the turmoil within her. Her father, seated in front of her, had drifted into a deep sleep, oblivious to the storm raging in his daughter’s heart. Shehnaaz stared out of the window, her gaze unfocused as she tried to make sense of the aching void inside her.

As the train journeyed away, so too did Shehnaaz feel as though she was leaving a piece of her soul behind. She was leaving Sidharth, the only person she had ever truly loved, the man who had, despite everything, failed to trust her. The pain of his mistrust cut deeper than any physical wound could. She had given herself to him last night, despite their fight, because their love was something different from their arguments. It was profound, enduring, and complete. Their conflicts did not diminish the intensity of their connection; rather, they highlighted how much she was willing to endure for him.

Her heart ached as she remembered his accusations, how he had said she played with his feelings. If only he had understood that her submission to him was an act of love, not deceit. Everything about her was his—her love, her trust, her very essence. It always had been and always would be. Despite the hurt, she had never stopped belonging to him.

A peculiar pain gripped her heart, a mix of sorrow and longing. Shehnaaz wondered if she would ever see him again, if she would ever feel the intensity of his gaze on her once more. The thought of his eyes—eyes that had once looked at her with such affection, now filled with disappointment—caused a fresh wave of tears to well up.

Would she ever hear the steady rhythm of his heartbeat again, the sound that had once been so reassuring? Could she ever tell him, face to face, just how deeply she loved him, how her heart had been intertwined with his in ways words could barely express?

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Sidharth retrieved the delicate anklet from the back of his cupboard, the cool metal feeling oddly warm against his fingertips. As he turned it over, memories began to flood his mind, overwhelming him with a rush of emotion.

#FLASHBACK

The scene unfolded in his bedroom, a place that had been filled with the comfort of their shared moments. Sidharth sat on the bed, Shehnaaz nestled in his arms. He was preoccupied with checking some emails on his phone, his focus divided between the mundane task and the warmth of Shehnaaz resting against him.

Shehnaaz’s soft voice broke through his concentration, her words a blend of excitement and frustration. “Aap sunn rahe ho na…” she asked, a hint of playful annoyance in her tone.

“Haan,” he mumbled absently, barely registering her words as he scrolled through his phone.

Shehnaaz’s voice grew more insistent, and she began to chatter about her missing anklet, her voice tinged with concern. “pata nahi kaha gum gaya..,” she said, her face falling into a pout.

Surprised by her words, Sidharth set his phone aside and gently placed her on the bed. He reached into his cupboard, feeling around until his fingers brushed against something familiar. Pulling out the anklet, he held it up, a small smile playing on his lips.

Shehnaaz’s eyes widened in astonishment as she saw the anklet in his hand. “OMG, ye mera hai… aapko kahaan mila?” she exclaimed, her voice filled with a mixture of relief and wonder.

Sidharth’s own surprise was palpable. He hadn’t realized the anklet belonged to her until now. Perhaps that’s why it had seemed so familiar and special to him.

As Shehnaaz reached for the anklet, eager to reclaim it, Sidharth playfully kept it out of her grasp. He brought it closer to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss to its surface. Shehnaaz’s cheeks flushed a deep pink at the gesture, and she looked up at him with a shy smile.

“ye mera favorite hai..,” she said with a babyish pout, her eyes sparkling with affection.

In response, Sidharth leaned in and kissed her cheek, his touch tender and filled with love. He pulled her back into his lap, wrapping his arms around her. “It’s mine now,” he said with a playful grin. “I’ll get you a new one.”

#BACK TO PRESENT

Sidharth clutched the anklet to his chest as if it were Shehnaaz herself. The small, delicate piece of jewelry felt like a tangible connection to her, and he held it tightly, trying to find solace in its presence. His eyes were blurred with tears, and his heart ached with an intensity that left him breathless.

“Please, baby, come back,” he whispered into the emptiness, his voice trembling with desperation. His arms wrapped around the anklet, hugging it as though it could somehow bring Shehnaaz back to him.

Each beat of his heart felt like a cry of anguish, a silent plea for her to return. The weight of his regrets and the depth of his longing were almost unbearable.

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When Shehnaaz finally arrived home, her mother’s heart sank at the sight of her daughter’s face. There was a deep, palpable pain etched into her features, a reflection of the turmoil she had endured. It was evident that something had shattered within her, and her mother’s concern grew with each passing moment.

Shehnaaz’s father had been unyielding when she tried to speak with him about her love for Sidharth. His hatred for Sidharth was so intense that he refused to hear any justification. Shehnaaz had hoped to explain the circumstances, to tell him about her mamaji’s actions that had led to Sidharth’s behavior, but her father’s mind was made up. He would not listen.

With a cold, decisive tone, her father gave orders to her mother, his voice leaving no room for argument. “Ek mahine ke andar iski shaadi karni hai,” he commanded. “Tayyariyan shuru karo.”

The words felt like a heavy weight on Shehnaaz’s shoulders, pushing her deeper into despair. Overwhelmed by the suffocating sadness, she broke down, her silent tears morphing into heart-wrenching hiccups. She ran to her bedroom, slamming the door behind her and locking it with trembling hands. The sound of the lock clicking into place echoed the finality of her retreat.

Her mother, torn between her own grief and the instinct to comfort her daughter, reached out to follow. But Shehnaaz’s father stopped her with a firm hand. “ro lene de use..” he said, his voice hard and resolute. 

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Sidharth left a brief message for his mother before walking out the door, his mind already consumed by thoughts of Shehnaaz. He had decided to go camping, a desperate attempt to escape the hollow emptiness that surrounded him. The house felt like a ghostly shell without her presence, each corner echoing memories of the life they had shared. The office, once a place of routine and accomplishment, now seemed devoid of purpose and joy without her.

As he journeyed into the wilderness, the weight of his choices pressed heavily on him. The serene surroundings did little to soothe his troubled mind. If Shehnaaz was not there with him, nothing seemed worth the effort. His thoughts were consumed by the pain of his mistakes, the pain of not trusting the one person who had given him everything.

Sidharth threw himself into physical exertion, trying to drown out the relentless ache in his heart. He exercised with a fervor that bordered on self-punishment, pushing his body to its limits. He tackled difficult treks, navigating through challenging terrain with a determination that spoke of his internal struggle. Yet, despite the grueling physical effort, no amount of sweat or exhaustion could erase the sting of his emotional wounds.

Every muscle in his body screamed with fatigue, but it was nothing compared to the agony of his heart. Each step he took seemed to echo his regret and longing. The physical pain was a mere distraction, an attempt to numb the deeper, more profound sorrow that gnawed at him.

He longed for the solace only Shehnaaz could provide. He ached for the comfort of her small, warm embrace, the way she had cocooned him in her arms, making him feel safe and loved. The thought of her brought both a sense of peace and a sharper pang of longing. She was his sanctuary, his haven of peace amid the chaos of his emotions.

As he lay beneath the vast, starlit sky, surrounded by the silent majesty of nature, Sidharth’s heart cried out for the one person who made everything meaningful. In the solitude of his camping trip, amidst the whisper of the wind and the rustling of leaves, he yearned for Shehnaaz to be there beside him, to offer him the comfort and love he so desperately needed. She was his only heaven, and without her, he felt adrift, lost in a sea of regret and longing.

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Shehnaaz locked herself in her room, tears streaming down her face day and night. The sorrow she felt was overwhelming, each sob a testament to the depth of her heartbreak. Her eyes, red and swollen from crying, ached for a glimpse of Sidharth. Her body longed for the warmth of his embrace, the security and love that had once enveloped her. The coldness she felt without him was a stark contrast to the warmth that had once been her solace.

She questioned how she managed to keep going, her heart feeling as though it had already given up. Each passing moment seemed like an eternity, and the pain was almost more than she could bear. It felt as if every second without Sidharth was a torment worse than death itself.

She knew that Sidharth was suffering too, perhaps even more deeply than she was. She worried incessantly about him, wondering if he was pushing himself too hard at the gym, trying to numb his pain just as he had before. Was he managing to cope, or was he falling apart in silence? The thought of him hurting made her own pain feel even more unbearable.

One evening, amidst the flood of her tears, Shehnaaz reached for her phone. She found a picture of Sidharth that she had taken secretly, knowing he would never have allowed her to capture such a candid moment. The image showed him in a moment of unguarded tenderness, a rare and precious glimpse of the man she loved so deeply.

Her fingers traced the edges of the screen gently, as if trying to feel his presence through the photograph. A sad smile formed on her lips despite the tears that continued to fall. The image reminded her of the dreams she once held close—dreams of a future filled with love, laughter, and happiness. It was a dream now far out of reach, but one she had cherished with all her heart.

As she looked at the photo, memories of their time together flashed through her mind. The dream of a happily ever after with Sidharth seemed like a distant, unreachable star. The ache of her loss was profound, yet the tenderness of the memory offered a fleeting comfort amidst the pain. Shehnaaz’s heart ached for the life they might have had, and the image of Sidharth became both a bittersweet reminder of what was and a symbol of her enduring love.

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Exhausted and emotionally drained, Sidharth found himself trapped in an unending loop of self-reproach and regret. No matter how hard he tried to push away the pain, he could only think of Shehnaaz. He had wronged her, blaming her and punishing her for things she hadn’t done, while she deserved nothing but adoration and respect. His feelings of hatred, once so vehement, now seemed absurd compared to the profound love he felt for her.

Days had turned into an endless stretch of longing and remorse since he last saw her. Each moment apart felt like a lifetime. His eyes, once so accustomed to the warmth and depth of her gaze, now ached to see her reflection in her almond eyes again. He missed her more than he ever thought possible, and every corner of his life seemed hollow without her.

He worried about her constantly. Was she okay without him? Was she taking care of herself? Was she eating regularly, or was she too heartbroken to care for her basic needs? The thought that she might be suffering, crying alone, or hurting herself was unbearable. Did she still remember him?? Did she miss him as intensely as he missed her, or was she finding a way to heal and move forward without him?

Sidharth’s heart ached with questions he had no answers to. He wondered if she was waiting for him, hoping he would find a way to make things right. The possibility that she might have forgotten him  was a painful thought he couldn’t shake.

Would he ever have the chance to hold her again, to assure her that he was truly sorry and that he would never let her go? The dream of pulling her into his arms and swearing to never part from her again felt both distant and desperately close. He wanted nothing more than to be with her, to mend the rift he had created.

He loved her—God, he loved her with every breath. The realization of his love for Shehnaaz was now a burning truth that consumed him completely. He had been a fool to doubt her, to push her away. Now, all he wanted was to make things right, to be forgiven and to have her back.

In the depths of his despair, Sidharth’s heart pleaded.. Please, take me back. Let me fix what I’ve broken. Let me be the person you deserves, and let us find our way back to each other..

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Shehnaaz’s eyes remained downcast, carrying a weight of emptiness as the final arrangements for her engagement to Rajbeer were made. The life she had known was slipping through her fingers, and she felt trapped in a situation she couldn’t escape. The contrast between her desolate expression and the cheerful bustle of the engagement preparations was stark and painful.

Raj, who had been watching her closely, was deeply puzzled. He knew about her past, that she had loved someone else. So, why was she allowing all of this to happen without a word of protest? The sight of her resignation troubled him more than he cared to admit.

Once the arrangements were finalized, Raj couldn’t bear to see her subdued state any longer. He took her to a secluded spot by the river, a place filled with the echoes of their shared childhood memories. The gentle murmur of the flowing water and the rustling of the trees seemed to whisper the history of their friendship, but it did little to ease the heaviness in the air.

Sitting beside her, Raj’s voice was filled with a mix of desperation and concern. “Tu kyun ye sab hone de rahi hai? Main jaanta hoon tu kisi aur se pyaar karti hai…” His words hung in the air, laden with his own heartache. He couldn’t understand why she was going through with this engagement when her heart clearly belonged to someone else.

Shehnaaz looked at him, her gaze steady despite the sadness in her eyes. “Tu mujhse pyaar karta hai na? Phir kyun ye sawaal pooch raha hai…” Her voice was soft, but the question carried a weight of resignation. She seemed to be asking why he was surprised by her compliance, as if the answer was painfully obvious.

Raj’s confusion deepened. “Kyuki tu nahi karti… Mai teri zindagi barbaad kaise hone du? Ye jaan kar ki tu kabhi khush nahi rahegi…” His words were filled with anguish.

Shehnaaz forced a sad smile, her eyes reflecting a depth of sorrow and resignation. “Papaji ke sarpe junoon sawar hai,” she said softly. “unki ego hurt ki mere pyaar ne badtameezi karke..galati unki bhi nahi thi..” Her words were a quiet admission of the painful truth she faced. Her father’s pride had been wounded, and her love had become an unfortunate casualty in the ensuing struggle for control.

Raj, feeling the weight of her words, let out a deep sigh. “Main baat karu uncleji se…?” His voice was filled with a blend of hope and frustration. He wanted to intervene, to change the course of events that were leading to her unhappiness. But the task seemed monumental, given the severity of the situation.

Shehnaaz shook her head slightly and threw a stone into the river, watching as it disturbed the calm surface of the water. The ripples spread outward, mirroring the disturbance in her own life. “Ho sake toh rok le ye sab…” Her voice carried a plea, tinged with the helplessness she felt. “Unhe pata chalega toh vo kisi ko bhi nahi chhodenge…”