Chapter 3

# Sidharth

I looked at my best friend, who was staring back at me with defeat. “She is gone, Sid… but Vihaan needs you… remember that…”

Raghav’s words struck every nerve in my body, shaking me as if I were being pierced with needles. She is gone… my Payal is gone… just like that? She left me? Is she angry with me? Did I hurt her? Why would she go away from me and Vihaan? She loves us… she loves our Vihaan more than anything…?

She left me? She left our Vihaan? What do we do without her?

The realization hit me like someone pouring hot lava over me, and I screamed in pain and frustration. I cried through the hospital corridor, cried until my body ached, cried until my lungs gave up.

My family was broken. My dreams were shattered. My wife had left us alone. My Vihaan was left alone. My beautiful little world was mercilessly destroyed by someone…

Furious, I looked around for the source of my disaster, but my eyes fell on the emergency care door where Payal was. Broken and shattered, I stumbled to my feet and dashed towards Payal, hearing the screams of Raghav and Anu behind me.

I didn’t care. I needed to see Payal. I needed to bring her back. We can’t live without her. We don’t know how to. I won’t let this happen…

“Sir, please, this is ICU…” I heard someone, but I didn’t realize when I pushed the person away and dashed in.

My running feet froze as I stood in front of the hospital bed, where someone lay covered with a white sheet.

I took a step back in sudden panic as reality finally hit my brain, making me realize what was happening.

Anu held my hand tightly, looking at me with worry and pain. “Bhai…” I knew she was worried for me.

I moved forward, but Raghav came to stand in front of me, cupping my face like I was a small child. “Don’t do this to yourself, Sid… please…”

“Let me see her,” I told him harshly, amidst my tear-streaked face.

“You don’t have to…” Raghav’s words started to get on my nerves. Or maybe something within me had started to snap. I began to feel furious, and I didn’t want to break my best friend’s face. “I want to see my wife… get off me!” I shouted furiously, pushing Raghav with all my force, making him stumble back as I reached for Payal.

With trembling hands, I pulled the sheet off her face, revealing her battered, stitched visage.

Horror shook me, and before I could comprehend what was happening, everything came up from within, and I turned away, vomiting everything from my stomach.

I puked until my breathing veins choked up, and I couldn’t breathe. Raghav and Anu tried to hold me, but I pushed them away.

Moving closer, I cupped her mangled face, which had looked so beautiful this morning before I had to leave for the office. I remembered her filling her parting with kumkum because she loved to do it. Her parting was filled today, but with blood and stitches.

“Payal… Vihaan is waiting… you know how much he cries when we both are away from him…” I looked at her mangled face, wanting to soothe away her pain. “You know I don’t like tears in his eyes… please, let’s go home… he is waiting for us… he must be so excited to cut the cake…”

Anu tried to pull me away, but I glared at her for breaking my concentration. “Anu told me you had ordered one more cake for him… where is it?”

I shook her vigorously, but she never woke up, which made me angry. “Don’t make me angry, Payal… get up…”

I felt Raghav pulling me back. “She is gone, Sid… let her go…”

Furious, I wiped my tears away roughly and turned to hold Raghav’s collar. “She is not allowed to… you understand me… I won’t let her go…”

Anu tried to pull my hands off Raghav’s collar. “Bhai… please calm down…”

My hands loosened on Raghav’s collar, and tears started to roll down from my eyes again. “Please bring her back, Raghav… I promise I won’t get angry… please… please do something… please, please, please, please…” I begged amidst my cries, and Raghav pulled me into his arms. “Sidharth… please mere bhai… bhabhi ja chuki hai… accept kar, Sid… woh nahi ayegi vapas… tu kitna bhi chikh le… chilla le… woh nahi ayegi vapas… Vihaan ko teri jarurat hai, Sid… tu tut nahi sakta… Vihaan needs his father…”

I broke down completely with those words. Our life was perfect till this morning, and now everything had changed. How will we live without Payal? How will Vihaan live without his mother? How will our family live without her?

Why? Why us? Why Payal? Why Vihaan? Why them?

“We have to take her home, Sid… you need to inform bhabhi’s family…” Raghav’s words pulled me out of my thoughts.

By the time we reached home, my brain had stopped working, thinking how I was going to explain this all to Vihaan.

“Anu, I will get Vihaan to sleep. You have to be with him, and you won’t let him come out no matter what. If he gets up and asks for me or Payal, you call me or Raghav immediately,” I spoke like a robot, staring at the ambulance that stood ahead of us.

“Vihaan ko usse akhari baar…” Anu started but trailed off when I looked at her. “No… he is small… it will affect him…”

When I walked in, Maa had ensured that the birthday cake was cut and the house was empty.

“Papa…” Vihaan’s voice grabbed my attention instantly, and I watched him run down the stairs. My heart became so heavy. I didn’t know how I was going to control my tears in front of Vihaan.

I ran towards my baby and picked him up in my arms, hugging him for dear life. My baby… my innocent baby didn’t deserve this… my baby deserved the love of both his parents… my Vihaan deserved the love of a mother… my baby deserved all the happiness in the world…

“Vihaan missed Mumma Papa…” his soft voice made my heart flinch in pain, and I kissed his forehead repeatedly until he calmed down. “I’m sorry, baby… I’m back now… I’m sorry I missed your birthday…”

“Sid… kaisi hai Payal?” Tayaji asked as he walked towards me along with my mother and Badi Maa. My pale face told them a lot more than my silence could.

“Bol ke woh thik hai…” Maa’s panicked voice made me look at her.

Tears threatened to roll from my eyes, and I dug Vihaan’s face into my neck so that he wouldn’t see my tears. “Vihaan is tired… I’ll take him to bed…” I announced in a voice that made all three of them look at me in fear.

“I want Mumma…” Vihaan spoke in his soft voice, and for the first time, I didn’t have an answer to his demand. I couldn’t fulfill his wish. I couldn’t bring Vihaan’s Mumma back… because someone took her away from us.

Once inside the bedroom, I locked the door from the inside and called Raghav. “Bring her in…”

I had no idea what chaos might be happening downstairs. I changed Vihaan’s clothes silently while he kept looking at me curiously. “Papa sad…”

Startled, I looked at him and pulled him onto my lap before placing him on the mattress. Wrapping him in his favorite duvet, I joined him in bed. “No, baby… Papa is tired, and so is Vihaan, right?”

“And Mumma…” he asked again in his sleepy voice, and I breathed hard before speaking. “Actually, Vihaan… Mumma’s best friend is unwell, so I asked Mumma to go and stay with her for a few days…”

Vihaan’s arms wrapped around my neck like he always did when sleeping. “But Vihaan missing Mumma…”

I knew he did. I knew he would miss her in his life always. Emotionally exhausted, I caressed his hair because it made him sleep instantly. “Papa is here with Vihaan… Papa will never leave Vihaan…”

I don’t even know if my words reached his ears because his eyes had long closed, and his soft, steady breathing made me realize he was fast asleep.

I let the tears roll down silently, watching Vihaan’s innocent face as I cried. There wouldn’t be three of us anymore… it would only be me and my little Vihaan now.

Who will make his favorite dishes? Who will help him hide chocolates in his bag? Who will love my baby like his mother?

I cried silently, singing the lullaby that I heard Payal singing for Vihaan every night.

The soft knock on the door brought me back to my senses. Ensuring Vihaan didn’t wake up, I unlocked the door and quickly pulled Anu in before closing the door shut. The screams and shouts outside made my insides churn.

Anu hugged me tightly as she cried silently in my arms. “Sab kharab ho gaya, Bhai… kyu hua ye sab…?”

I rubbed her back silently because I had no answers to her questions. “Be with Vihaan and ensure he doesn’t come out of bed no matter what…” Mumbling so, I walked

out of the room and quickly shut the door behind me.

With a deep breath, I emptied Payal’s ashes into the water as tears continued to roll down my cheeks. I realized I had cried every moment of the last three days when Vihaan wasn’t in front of me. We couldn’t even put Payal’s picture up, knowing Vihaan would ask questions.

Payal’s parents were as broken as I was. They wanted me to tell Vihaan, which I didn’t agree to. I will have to tell Vihaan one day, but he should be grown enough for that…

My mother was still in shock. She loved Payal like her own daughter. Payal took care of Maa better than Anu and I did. She loved and respected Badi Maa and Tayaji with all her heart. Her pure heart made everyone get attracted to her…

I was thankful that Raghav handled the entire family and office, knowing I wasn’t in the right state of mind. He also visited the police station a couple of times because I didn’t let myself out of Vihaan’s sight…

Vihaan’s innocent questions, his tears, and requests broke me every time. He missed Payal and had been vocal about it. He demanded to take him to meet her, but I had to pacify him with something or the other…

Every moment of every minute of every hour in the past three days had passed like a living nightmare. I missed Payal, and I felt empty without her. I felt abandoned and lonely…

I missed her running behind me in the morning with my wallet and handkerchief, requesting me not to go without breakfast. I missed her calls asking me what she should send for lunch or what I would like to have for dinner. I missed her taking care of Maa. She made the four walls of my house a home, and everything broke down in her absence.

I watched Vihaan play with a football with a sad smile on my face as I sat silently on one of the benches in the garden.

Raghav’s call disturbed my thoughts, but I picked up the call instantly. “I visited the police station today. The woman has got bail… because the accident wasn’t her fault. A small kid had run in front of her car all of a sudden… she took an immediate turn to save the kid, and unfortunately, the car hit Bhabhi…”

I groaned in disappointment. I didn’t want the person responsible for Payal’s death to come out of jail. I had no intention of seeing that person ever in my life because I knew the moment I did, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from killing them…

“Check again if the story is true… they might have purchased someone to get out of it free… use sources… check if that woman was drunk… involve whoever is needed…” I demanded in a furious tone.

Raghav heard me patiently because he must have realized I easily lost my cool these days. “I have met the woman… she is in shock too… she gave herself to the police authorities…”

“I don’t want to know how good or great that woman is… she has killed my wife, and if you don’t tell me great things about her, I will be thankful…” My furious, sarcastic comment made Raghav sigh.

“Fine… I’ll check everything in detail again…” With that, he disconnected the call while I watched Vihaan run to me, and I bent down to pick him up in my arms.

I will not forget or forgive the person who broke my family. Whoever she is, she will have to pay if she is at fault.

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# Shehnaaz

The moment I surrendered myself to the police, a heavy weight fell on my heart, and the reality hit me hard. I was getting arrested for causing someone’s death.

A female officer put handcuffs on my wrists. I felt myself moving with lifeless steps as I heard my papa and Arjun pleading with the police not to put me in jail. They were terrified for me because I had never faced such a situation before.

I had always been careful in life. I wasn’t perfect, but I never hurt anyone. Today, though unintentionally, I had taken someone’s life. An innocent life. I had destroyed a family forever. What right did I have? My excitement for marriage had caused someone’s death.

Sidharth’s painful screams echoed in my mind. I couldn’t bear the extent of his pain. I couldn’t imagine the anguish his family must be going through. They were in tears because of me. If I hadn’t driven, none of this would have happened.

I wanted to run back and fall at Sidharth’s feet, to apologize for their pain and tears. But I knew he wouldn’t hesitate to kill me. I saw it in his eyes. And I deserved every bit of it.

“Sana… sana…” Sanju’s loud call brought me back to reality. Startled, I saw the female officer forcing me into the police van while Sanju fought to accompany me.

The officer almost rolled her eyes, “Are madam… samjun ghya… asa nahi chalat… police van me sirf criminal beth sakta hai…”

I almost hissed painfully at the word criminal, and my father shouted furiously, “Officer, don’t cross your line… it was an accident… you heard the lady…”

Sighing, I looked at Sanju, who was worried sick, “Tu ja Arjun ke sath… me sambhal lungi…” Sanju tried to argue, but I looked at her with finality.

Wiping the fresh layer of tears from my face, I went and sat in the van to avoid the mess. I didn’t need this right now. I needed peace. My brain and heart were already tormented by the haunting cries of the man who was probably going mad in the ICU room where he had rushed last.

The thought made me want to vomit again, but there was nothing left in my stomach. The van started shortly, and my mind went numb.

The fresh memories from the morning flashed before my eyes. We were so happy on our way to the designer, full of life and dreams. But now, everything was a mess.

We dream of so many things in life, believing nothing will go wrong. But life has something very different planned for us. My future, my career, my marriage—all started to blur before my eyes, and I realized it was because my eyes were full of tears.

I realized I could cry all my life, but I would never be able to undo the damage I had caused to myself and that innocent family. My life was doomed forever because I had doomed someone else’s life.

I didn’t realize when the car stopped in front of the police station. I was taken behind bars in no time.

My family walked in shortly, followed by my mother, Arjun’s mother, Karan, and Arjun’s father. Both the ladies were in tears as they dashed toward me along with Sanju.

“Mumma… sab galat ho gaya…” My patience broke upon seeing my favorite women, and I started crying like a small child, “Bahot galat ho gaya mere hatho se… me jaan bhujhke nahi kiya… woh… woh…”

I cried like a baby while my words trailed off, and my mother patted my cheeks through the bars, wiping my tears away. “Aise nahi bolte beta… papa hai na tere… kuch nahi hone denge… teri galti nahi hai beta… it was an accident…”

I nodded my head amidst tears, unsure of hope. “She didn’t survive, Mumma… I killed someone…”

My mother shook her head at me, but their silence spoke volumes.

Moving away from them, I went to the furthest corner of the lockup room and sat in darkness.

I heard Sanju calling out for me, asking me to come back to them, but I didn’t. I looked around at the darkness of the room. Was this my future? Locked up for years? I wanted to run somewhere far and hide from this pain, this guilt that was eating me alive.

I didn’t know what happened because I refused to move from my place. I refused to eat or speak to anyone. I couldn’t tell how much time had passed—minutes, hours, or days—but it felt like ages when someone shook me and held my hand to get me to stand up.

Exhausted, I tried to stand up and looked at the woman, “Chalo aap ki bail ho gayi hai…” Those words hardly made me happy, but I let her drag me silently. The moment I was out, I was taken into multiple hugs by my family members.

Arjun cupped my pale face and kissed my forehead. “I’m so sorry, baby… you had to go through all this… please calm down… you are freaking everyone out… please talk, Sana…”

I looked at him blankly. He wanted me to talk to them, but my mind had spoken so much to itself in these days that I felt exhausted and weak. I nodded my head with much difficulty when my eyes fell on a man. I immediately recalled that he was part of their family.

He looked at me with a blank face, which made me scared to death. Was he here to kill me? Was he here to tell me off? Was he here to tell me how much I ruined them and how much they hate me?

I pulled myself out of Arjun’s arms, making him frown, and made my way toward the man. I remembered his name—Raghav.

Raghav seemed surprised by my approach. I stood in front of him, ashamed beyond words.

“You should have never come out of those bars,” he spoke with hatred laced in his voice as he glared at me. “Do you have any idea what you have done? You broke a family. You snatched a wife from her husband, a mother from her little child, a daughter-in-law from those old people.”

“I know…” I accepted his every word because my mind had been blaming me with the same words for the last two days. “I don’t deserve to live. I don’t deserve any happiness. I’m bad…”

Raghav sighed at my words and shook his head. His glaring eyes had softened, but I wouldn’t mind if he hated me more. “I know the reason behind the accident. I know it was not your fault entirely, but that doesn’t help the situation. Sidharth and his family are devastated.”

I nodded my head, and silent tears fell from my eyes, streaming down my pale cheeks. I almost felt dizzy, and Raghav tried to hold me, but before he could, Arjun came to my rescue.

Sanju helped me drink water, and it was then I realized my throat was beyond dry. The water helped a lot, but it did nothing to make me feel better.

Raghav finally looked at me. “I’ll try to make Sidharth understand, though I’m sure he will never forgive you.”

“I will never forgive myself either…” I admitted remorsefully as Raghav nodded his head with a sad face, while Arjun cupped my face. “Stop hurting yourself, Sana… you’ve done that more than enough…”

I nodded my head, and Raghav turned to walk towards the police when words left my mouth. “The baby… how old is he or she?”

Raghav turned around to look back at my pale face. He observed me silently for more than a few seconds before he finally spoke. “Vihaan is five. It was his birthday that day…”

I bit my lip to stop the cry. “Can I meet him once?”

“Why?” His quick question made me blank. I didn’t even know, but I wished to meet him once. I wanted to hug the baby and apologize. I didn’t even know if he understood what had happened, but that didn’t reduce my guilt.

“I don’t know…” I spoke honestly with a deep sigh before continuing. “I honestly don’t know. I just need to…”

Raghav didn’t reply and left, and I got the answer. Of course, that wasn’t possible. It was better I stayed away from them because they needed to get away from the bad memories I created.

My family took me home, and Sanju refused to leave my side. Mahi clung to me ever since I was back. Arjun stayed with me, trying to make me eat a little, but even the smell of food made me want to puke. Payal’s burst face and blood were all I could remember.

They made me eat a little against my will. Sanju slept with me, which I was honestly thankful for. I clung to her like dear life throughout the night, as if Payal would come and question me for ruining her life. I hadn’t slept for the last two days, and tonight was no better.

It was still early morning, and I had a cold shower to make my dead body flinch.

When I made my way downstairs because we needed to leave for the court hearing, I heard Arjun, my parents, and his parents discussing delaying the wedding.

Sighing, I stood in front of them. “Can we not discuss this right now? I don’t have the energy left to think about anything.”

My papa sighed. “I know, baby. We are sorry… please eat something because we need to leave for the court hearing.” Papa looked at Mumma. “Get her breakfast plate ready, Madhu. She didn’t eat much last night either.”

“I don’t want to…” I quickly replied before Mumma could leave my sight. I watched them all look at me with sympathetic faces, which I almost hated.

“Sana, please, baby… thoda se khale na…” Mumma started, but I shook my head vigorously.

Arjun walked towards me, cupping my face. “You already look slim, Sana. How will this work if you won’t eat at all?”

I knew they were worried for me, but that didn’t help. I wasn’t in the right state of mind to think of all this logic. “I really don’t want to. I’ll puke. Please don’t force me…” I hoped they would understand, and I sighed in relief when Arjun let go of the matter for now.

Sanju walked downstairs quickly, and we finally moved out to leave. Out of habit, I walked towards the driver’s seat but froze the moment my fingers touched the door handle. I moved away quickly in fear, as if the door would bite me.

Everyone saw my quick reaction, and Karan immediately pulled me away and made me sit with Sanju in the back seat before the cars left the road.

My heart pounded wildly in fear as I was made to stand in front of the judge. From the opposite side, Raghav was there along with the lady I had seen at the hospital and an elderly man.

Raghav sent me a small nod of assurance while the woman didn’t even look at me or send me hateful glares every time our eyes met.

The procedure started shortly, and the police brought the woman as a witness who told everyone what happened. How she ran in front of my car all of a sudden, which resulted in the accident. My test report was also shared, proving that I wasn’t drunk or had any drugs in my body while driving.

I saw the woman’s anger reduce a little as the procedure came to an end. I was hardly active there. I felt like I had gone dumb because my brain and mind had stopped working or being present.

My eyes still managed to shed tears, which was surprising considering the extent of tears I had shed.

My innocence was proved, but I didn’t feel better because I didn’t feel innocent anymore.

The woman, along with Raghav and their lawyer, started to leave when I called out, “Umm, wait…”

All of them turned around, but none spoke anything. I sighed, and my fingers clutched in fear. I had to say what was on my mind. “I know me being proved innocent here doesn’t matter. Though unintentionally, I have ruined a life and hurt all of you. I know me being sorry all my life cannot undo the damage I caused, but still, I’m sorry. I never intended this to happen. And please believe me, I’m ruined forever.”

Raghav nodded in understanding along with the elderly person, while the lady shook her head. “Exactly. Nothing you do can undo the damage you caused in our lives. We all will find ourselves back one day. But Sidharth bhai and Vihaan… you ruined their life forever. You should be happy that it was unintentional, or bhai would have ripped you into pieces.”

“Anu, please… this isn’t fair…” Raghav’s voice was suggestive.

But Anu looked at Raghav in anger. “I don’t care, fair or not. My bhai is broken, and Vihaan… have you not seen how he is waiting for his mum?”

Raghav sighed and pulled her into a hug. I wanted to stab myself to death knowing her words were nothing but the truth.

I don’t know what she saw, but Anu looked at my pale face before walking away without a word.

And I was eaten by guilt again.

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